so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
