some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
