We named our party play list daddy issues
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
