Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
