Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
