i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
