he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
