In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
