We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
