I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
