No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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