as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've blown a few things in my day
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
