She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
