I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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