You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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