32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
