Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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