god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
