I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
