You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
