She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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