I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she told me i tasted like america
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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