Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
