This girl is more easily done than said...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
