Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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