im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
