thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
