The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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