You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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