we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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