I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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