people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
