She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
