i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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