the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
