Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want a musical about memes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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