you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this boner is exhausting
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
