everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
