Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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