i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
