So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
sex in a hospital.. check
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
