not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
