I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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