I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
