Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
