Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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