We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This baby is an asshole
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
