you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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