I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
