So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
