And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
