Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So much rum. So many feels.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
